I grew up in the 60s and 70s in southern California in a non-Christian home. When puberty hit my best friend and I started exploring our budding sexuality together and wound up being sexually active with each other for a few years. We both accepted Christ in high school, and we stopped that element of our friendship as we knew that wasn’t God’s will for us. While I had accepted Christ into my heart and stopped my sexual activity, it didn’t resolve my same-sex attractions. When I was 17, I got involved in a dynamic, evangelical ministry and became the pastor’s administrative assistant. One of the elders started praying with me and spending time with me and it turned into a romantic, though not sexual, relationship. The pastor himself started a secret romantic relationship with a young man there which was also very confusing for me. I eventually ended the relationship with the elder as I knew it wasn’t God’s will for me.
The church eventually collapsed, and the head pastor later died from AIDS. This all left me feeling angry, devastated, and bitter. I tried to find help for my same-sex attractions however in the 70s there were few if any, resources available. It was just not talked about. Not knowing what else to do I focused on Jesus, developing my walk with him, and clinging to him. Jesus met me and brought me through that very difficult time in my life.
As part of my journey God brought a wonderful woman into my life who is now my wife. My spouse knew about my past going into our marriage and she had a trauma history as well. At the time, we were young and inexperienced and didn’t understand the ramifications of our unresolved issues. We got married and started a family and I never addressed the root issues behind my same-sex attractions. We had some marriage counseling early in our marriage and my same-sex attractions came up during a couple of sessions. We talked about it briefly, and while things weren’t resolved, it was enough for me to get by.
Over time I read some Christian books on homosexuality, and I knew I needed to find a group, someplace where I could feel safe, connect with others, grow spiritually, and deal with the root issues of my same-sex attractions. I eventually found a support group, but only attended a couple of sessions due to the distance, my place in life, and my work schedule at the time.
In 2020 I found Tower of Light Ministries when my wife and I attended an online conference with Restored Hope Network, the national organization that helps people with unwanted LGBT desires. I was hoping to find help in the Seattle area and was glad to discover Tower of Light Ministries was here. The men’s group was being held on Zoom which made it even more convenient for me.
I knew I needed a group where it was safe to talk about my same-sex attractions, where I would have accountability, and where I would grow in the Lord. At first, I was hesitant to open up, I was nervous about whether I would fit in due to being older and being further along in life. I was also scared that it might be some strange program where we had to tell all our secret same-sex sins without knowing whether or not it was a safe place. I met with Jeff Simunds who clearly explained the group to me and made the transition into the group comfortable for me.
Ironically, prior to coming to Tower of Light Ministries, I’d written a memoir of my life. While I’d written openly about my journey with same-sex attractions and how God had walked with me, I’d never had a place to openly talk about them and pursue healing.
When I came across Tower of Light Ministries, I decided to make a commitment to attend for one year. I’ve now been attending the men’s group for over two years. Up to this point I’d never talked about my same-sex attractions or openly expressed my thoughts and feelings. I figured my same-sex attraction was a cross I would need to bear on my own. Over these two years, I have gained a better understanding of how deeply loved I am by the Lord, grown in understanding of the root issues behind my same-sex attractions, and received help for my addictive issues. The leader of the group, Jeff, has brought forth his heart-felt, life-changing testimony, years of experience, resources, and Godly wisdom.
I’ve been married now for forty-three years and while our marriage is not perfect, we continue to work on it and grow with the Lord. Praise God!
(To read more about Judson Hoyt’s story you can check out his book “No More Secrets: Sucked In and Spit Out” on Amazon or listen to a podcast interview regarding the book on his website judsonhoyt.com)